Possessive Riders 138

Chapter 138: Apologies

Evander’s P.O.V.

**

+25 Points

I’ve been through some sh.it in my life. I’ve seen some sh.it in my short years. I’ve been heartbroken, beaten down, used. I’ve done things; killed, tortured, whatever needed to be done. I’ve done a lot, seen a lot.

But I have never felt this kind of despair before. This deep–seated agony. It fills me to the brim, constantly bubbling over. I have no idea what to do. No idea how to move on.

The moment those words left Blythe’s lips…

“It stands for Silent Divine…”

I knew I fu.cked up big time. I knew my mistake, my lie, my secret was going to haunt me forever. Not that it already wasn’t… I knew that it was more than just a fu.ck up. It was all my fault. Everything that happened to Blythe. It was all my fu.cking fault. Because I never believed her before when Everly constantly lied. Because I let her go when I should have held on tight. Because I had the chance to keep her with us, and instead, I sent her back.

The way she looked at me when she found out I had lied to her will forever be imprinted in my brain. The devastation… the distrust… The way she hid behind Dragon and Ps.ycho. She was

scared of me. Terrified. And I hated it.

I’d never been so disgusted with myself. I can’t believe I did all this just because I was afraid of my own feelings. Fu.cking pathetic. And I could never come clean because I was a

coward.

Now I’ve ruined everything.

I thought for sure that I was going to die that night. I deserved it. I wanted to explain to Bly again, to apologize one more time, but I knew it was over. I couldn’t believe she wanted me out, free, still in the club. I didn’t deserve her kindness. I deserved to rot in that cell in the

basement.

Getting my a.ss beat wasn’t a shocker. I hated that Bly had to see me that way, that she got so angry about it. I felt… so lost. Like I had no control at all. I wasn’t sure what to do about anything. It felt like I couldn’t get anyone to listen to me. Like I didn’t have the right. I felt like Bly was at the others‘ throats because of me. I hated it all. Feeling helpless like this is spiking an anxiety I never knew I had.

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All day Bly’s been telling me that she’s going to fix this, that we both are. I have no hope whatsoever, but she has so much. She’s so determined to make all of this right. While I’m struggling to believe that’s even possible.

But, like always, my girl is right. This isn’t about me right now. It’s not about fixing things. immediately. I need to be patient and start small. I need to apologize. Not explain. Apologize. For them. Because, fu.ck, she was right, they deserve it. Especially CG and Angie. Even if she’s already forgiven me.

“Now, go see what’s taking Dragon so long.”

That made my anxiety spike again. I looked at her with wide eyes. She only shrugged before looking away. She knows what she’s doing. Sending me to the wolves.

No, she’s giving me a chance. A chance to apologize to at least one of them.

With a sigh and great reluctance, I left Karma’s room. I kept my head down as I walked through the clubhouse, searching for Dragon. I popped my head into the kitchen to see Angie, Isla, Cami, and Ann sitting at the table with mugs and empty plates in front of them. I was just about to duck back out when Angie noticed me.

“Evander…” she said gently.

The other ol‘ ladies quieted down and turned to look at me. I tried to avoid all their eyes. I wasn’t even sure where to look anymore. I feel so ashamed and guilty, it’s hard to look anyone in the eye. I only do with Blythe because she wanted me to see her emotions.

“Uh, I think I’m gonna call it a night,” Cami suddenly said as she stood up.

“Me too,” Ann agreed, standing as well.

“Blaze is expecting me,” Isla said, gathering all the empty plates and mugs.

I stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen as the three of them made their way out. Isla patted my arm on her way, trying to offer me a bit of comfort. Just another thing I don’t deserve.

“How are you feeling?” Angie asked once it was just her and me.

“Uhm, fine, I guess,” I replied awkwardly.

“You’ve been with Bly all day,” she said. “That’s a good sign, right?”

“Yeah… I guess,” I mumbled. “Honestly, I’m not sure what a good sign is anymore.” I admitted as I rubbed the back of my neck. “I feel like everything’s backwards right now, ya know?”

Chapter 138. Apologies

“I can imagine,” she replied softly, taking a step closer to me.

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“Angie, look,” I said, releasing a long breath. “I… I know you already said you forgive me, but… I don’t feel worthy of that forgiveness at all, and I just want to tell you how sorry I am.” I rushed out. “And I am so fu.cking sorry. I’m so sorry for being an a.sshole teenager. I’m so sorry for all the pain I caused your daughter. I’m so sorry that I had her in my hands and let her go. And I am so, so, so fu.cking sorry that I never said anything. Especially after what happened… I… I’m just so sorry. I regret it so much, and I never meant to hurt you, I swear. I just-”

Angie cut me off by throwing her arms around me. She was so tiny compared to me, just like her daughter, but she didn’t care. She yanked my head down, hugging me tightly. I didn’t realize I was crying like a little baby until she’d stopped my rambling. And I just hung there, limp and leaning too much on her small frame.

“Shh, shhhh,” she cooed in my ear. “I know you didn’t mean it. I know, Evander,” she said gently. “What happened wasn’t your fault. You made some bad choices, but that doesn’t mean you did it. And part of me understands why you kept it to yourself. Especially after everything. We’re all human, honey. I understand that better than anyone. What matters is that we accept accountability for our actions and learn to grow from our mistakes. You’re doing that now. It’s going to take some time, but you’ll get there, sweetie. Just keep trying.“`

Finally, I wrapped my arms around her as a sob broke free from my chest.

“I feel so… lost and… hopeless and dirty and ashamed,” I admitted, sobbing into her shoulder. “I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t feel worthy enough to even ask for any of their forgiveness. How am I supposed to… do anything when I can’t even look at them?”

“Honey, you have to start by accepting the fact that you did what you did,” she told me in a gentle tone. “It’s not pretty, and you’re not proud of it, but you did it. You sent Blythe back to her father and lied to everyone about it. You need to start by coming to terms with that. You’ll start to learn to live with it. You’ll be able to look at yourself in the mirror, and then look at everyone else. Through that, you’ll find ways to talk to them too.”

I pulled away from her and wiped my cheeks dry.

“You’re right,” I agreed with her. “I did all of that. I fu.cking really suck.”

“Yeah, you do,” she replied, smiling at me.

“But… I can… be better,” I said, giving her a look that begged her to agree with me. “It’s not too late?”

Angie shook her head, still smiling at me.

Chapter 138 Apologies

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“It’s not too late, Evander,” she replied. “Just… remember to be patient. These things take time.”

I nodded in understanding, trying to breathe through all this sh.it.

“Angie… do you really forgive me so easily?” I asked. “I mean… what I did… I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me for a while.”

She shook her head.

“I don’t have the heart to hate a young boy who made a few mistakes,” she told me. “Especially not one that I see as my son.”

That made me blush for several reasons.

“Angie… I… fu.ck, this is probably an awful time to ask this, but… about me and Blythe… uhm… you and dad… H–how do you f–feel about that?” I asked awkwardly.

She snorted, throwing a hand over her mouth.

“Honestly, we’d been waiting for something to happen since the moment we moved in,” she said. “Your dad and I knew that you had a crush on her. We all knew that all of you did, and that Bly liked all of you back. We were curious to see what would happen. At one point, we were even taking bets. And then everything with Daniel happened,” she told me. “It never bothered us. You guys aren’t blood, and you liked each other before your dad and I got married. Besides, all I ever wanted was for all of you to be happy.”

“Even if that means we all share her?” I blurted.

Angie shrugged as she chuckled.

“As long as you’re happy, healthy, and safe,” she replied. “I know you guys are good for my girl. And I know my baby girl is good for all of you too.”

“Okay,” I said, nodding. “Well, I need to go find Dragon.”

“Evander,” Angie called out when I turned to walk away. “Remember not to give up on yourself either, okay?”

I smiled and nodded before walking out. That’s one apology down. It was harder than I thought, but more freeing than I expected too. I hope I don’t cry like a sissy with the guys, but it’s not going to stop me either way. Angie was right and so was Bly. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but…

I need to push forward. For them.

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Kj

+25 Points

Hey guys! I felt like the last chapter didn’t have a lot in it. Describing the tattoos took a lot of my word count, so here is a third chapter for today! Thank you all so much for all your support and feedback! Hope you enjoy the extra–extra chapter!

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